fear

the fear of strikg out.
i felt tt fear today while watchg d apprentice.
am i too aggressive and decisive?
am i too easy on my ways jus to get that EQ with others i lose myself?
sighs.
wot if tmr has bad results?
wot if i got d undesirable which wasnt good enough for me?
wot if it wasnt up to my expectations?
wot if it wasnt wot i wanted?
so many thoughts running thru my mind.
yet again, on the other side.
the results may b too good.
the results may b desirable.
the results may b up to it.
the results may b wot i wanted.
(heaves) im really freaked.
i nv felt so scared.
sighs.
i hope mommy will b thr for me.
and that she wont d disappointed with my results.
i fear disappointg my parents.
altho they dont expect anythg of me other dan to try my best..
i just will feel i let them down if i were to do badly.
i hope jo is thr for me tmr.
i hope vic is thr for me tmr.
i hope lu is thr for me tmr.
i dunno how ppl could have risen so fast in my heart even knowg them for so little a time. but im really needg them.
i need them.
i need the results..
)):

i played tennis today.
i went to the gym today.
im still not relaxed.
how?
i aint at all.
no matter wot ppl can say, im not chilled.
lu did his best in comforting me and tryg to make me relax.
truly appreciate it dude.
so did vic.. she did her bez
(haha, we'd view each other's slip for each other k?)
sighs.
wot abt jo? ):
why is my darling not thr for me?
why is my baby busy planng other stuff?
why aint my baby here?
i want him here now.
i wanna hug him.
or i'd go running to vic. **hugs**
i feel real outta her life.
i guess everythgs comg in one blow.
im how lonely.
and best, hearing phantom of opera's learn to b lonely.
i guess i will..
im how sad.
in my own world i cry, i wail and i seek attention.
but from who and for thee?
):
forget it.
jo... pls b thr.
):
i dont need gifts or wot.
i just need swt hugs and kisses.
can u give them to me?
i need them.
but whr are u when i need u?
):
nvm. i rest my case.
sometimes, the most unexpected ppl who dont have the status gives u the hugs.
i hope i wld have them thr tmr.
they sure aint my spare tyre.
differing expectations.
how shit =x
wot to do..
yous truly, sharmaine.